i went outside for the first time today, it is 830 at night i might add and it feels distinctivly like snow. im watching a lifetime movie and the father from 7th heaven is in it and its so weird when an actor has a role in a show or a movie and then you see them in another show or movie and you just cant get the character they are best known or only known for out of their new role. like the boy who plays harry potter in the movies. how is he ever gonna play another role and not have people think of him as harry potter. good ol daniel radcliff, i think that is how you spell his name. there is a western civilization test i have tomorrow at eight oclock in the morning and i am so bored yet i dont want to study. this is my last semester at suffolk. i want to do my best and i want to make the best of it. but i just dont want to do work ever... for any class. i want to learn and i want to discuss and i want to discover new things i want to share information and i want to talk about things that matter. i feel like ive lost alot of my emotional attachments to things and they have been this way for a while. i dont know how to explain it to anyone, i tried explaining to stephanie the other night how i have such a hard time talking to people who i dont know, which is basically everyone, and i just dont even understand how to explain it to anyone, i couldnt explain it to her. to just put it plainly i feel like i lack emotion but i have not always been this way, i hate being this way. i think it has alot to do with my relationship with max. it made me not care abotu alot of things or my feelings becuase i was just unhappy alot of the time so i put everything out of my mind. i felt helpless. he never helped and always made me feel weird and awkward about how i was shy and i could never talk to him abotu anything important or personal so i just stopped doing it. i dont know. i guess thats what happened. maybe im putting the blame in the wrong place. maybe im not. i want to think about things. i want to talk about things. i want to learn and i want to explore. i remember when i met ross i was so unhappy with my relationship with max but what i forgot was how happy i could be. hanging out and being with someone and talking to someone who you truly and genuinely enjoy and want to be with is such a great feeling and i had forgotten what that even felt like. i forgot what it was like to look forward to talking to or seeing someone. wow well this is getting really corny and ive gotten to that point where i cant concentrate. basically im trying to convey that im really truly so happy that i met ross and i like him so much and i want to think with him and i want to talk with him about everything and i want to learn with him and i want to explore with him and i want to discuss things with him and i want to discover with him and i want to share things with him and i really want to move to a farm and he can come live there with me we can have animals but not to eat just to have and there will definately be a river nearby. i love living in these fantasys. i read this random girls myspace the other day and her 'who id like to meet' made me go o wow thats amazing, even though it was so simple it described her idea of an amazing boy and i want to find it right now and copy and paste it in here cause i suck with words and writing as you can see from my pathetic attempt at a journal here but i want to paste it here
Who I'd like to meet:
a really sweet boy.
who will treat me like a lady.
who will hold my hand.
and give me forehead kisses.
who will go on adventures with me.
who will love me unconditionally.
who will be honest and trustworthy.
a boy to share secrets with.
and who will make me smile.
i truly thought that was amazing and what i thought was even more amazing was that i would put something like that in the who id like to meet of my myspace but i dont have to because ive already met that boy. heehehehehehehehehehe <3.